


Deaf doesn't equal dumb, but dumb does equal deaf.

by ZHIREM



Series: A moral spectrum [13]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: M/M, No Beta, written in like 5 min
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-24
Updated: 2017-04-24
Packaged: 2018-10-23 12:46:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10719612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZHIREM/pseuds/ZHIREM
Summary: Our ability to hear is at the mercy of our desires.





	Deaf doesn't equal dumb, but dumb does equal deaf.

When you're in a room, filled with people whose native language you're not fluent in, body language is the most helpful thing in understanding what's truly being said. 

Clint lost most of his hearing as a kid, and while he thinks he should be better at understanding talkers...he's really not. The small talk, the petty sarcasm, the mindless courtesy, he hates it all, oh he can fake it, Clint can be witty, no matter what Stark thinks. Ultimately, Clint thinks he just doesn't like languages. He doesn't even like reading or writing...having to do it all the time for people who don't sign has made his writing short, full of abbreviations, and shortcuts; it's more like quick bullet points then anything else. Reading peoples writing is an exercise in tedium, half of it wasted effort and space, can no one be concise?

Oh, Clint can talk, and he knows he talks well, he just doesn't like to do it. He tries to sign, and then, it's too embarrassing to admit that he could have just said something if they don't understand him, so he writes. God he hates writing, it's so clunky. 

Coulson wouldn't take any shit from him, demanding that he talked and wrote up his reports...but...he took Clint's reports in Clint's own style, changed them into the proper Shield written forms, and then had Clint review and put his signature to them.

Clint is getting more practice in writing now, but he still hates it. Hates it more because Phil isn't around to see, read, and correct his reports anymore. Clint used to try to make his reports as outlandish, indecipherable, and as obtuse as possible just to see Phil's amused exasperation as he tried to rewrite the reports. Better times, before all this Avengers bullshit, before aliens and superheroes, better times. 

Trainlin doesn't like writing either, they always laugh about it. Trainlin said he went into hard science to avoid all the paper writing, and that he dictated most things when possible. Trainlin was one of the first people to actually learn ASL just for Clint. Barton is embarrassed to admit that he had thought of sabotaging the Doc before he had really started treatment with him, Clint had already managed to run off four other doctors. Clint is glad he couldn't run off Trainlin, he should give the Doc a heads up to check on Rumlow. Brock can't be doing that well with James missing. Those two are attached too closely to function well without the other. 

The search for James is in full swing and Brock hasn't gotten much rest. Stressed and jerky movements, fidgeting while watching video and running all kinds of computer searches. Twice he has caught Rumlow cutting notches in the board-table. He and Steve are running themselves into the ground.

Clint has been watching his teammates, well...since the moment the team was formed. Hawkeye isn't just a sexy nickname, well...not just a sexy and classy nickname

It is more Interesting now to watch them, stress tends to liven people up

It's easier to watch, not listen. Half the time he turns off his hearing aids...it makes understanding easier. He can read lips but...it easier if he doesn't. Words are hard. 

He went mostly deaf at a young age, got comfortable with limited sound. But with hearing little sound you have to pay attention to how people look, how they react, move.  
Most of the time Clint has found people are truer with their bodies then with their words.

English is as foreign a language as any other. Noises, sounds, scribbles on paper, weird rules. A raised hand, a twitch of the cheek, a slight shift of weight, those are the things that are clear, that are understandable. 

Watching Steve, measured, overly conscientious, it looks tiring, probably is. Tony is large gestures, unbending spine...also tiring. Bruce...small, mousey, mouses, afraid...so afraid. Nat...quite, sharp, misleading...overly graceful, obviously a killer. 

All of these people lying with their words, screaming with their bodies.

It's the ultimate shortcut through all the bullshit.

That's how Clint knows James is not in serious trouble. Rumlow was listening to his words, key phrases. Clint was watching Barnes body, and his body said amused, not worried. Clint expects to find James after he's rescued himself and settled some personal debts. 

Some of Clint neighbors are immigrants, learning English in front of a tv, hell that's how he picked up most of his Spanish. Sometimes when he's in south America he thinks he probably sounds like a soap opera actor, all overly dramatic and bombastic. James speaks like those actors, everything is a show, a performance. Clint thinks it must be exhausting to try to lie with his whole being 24/7. 

Truthfully, Clint finds the whole Avengers initiative personally exhausting as well. Shield trying to juggle all these large personalities, egos, moral codes...Clint thinks he and Nat have it easier then the rest. They were real agents before, comfortable with the ethical slippery slope of government work. Comfortable with the waiting and watching, with the cutting of loses. 

Clint doesn't think Steve will be able to cut his loses when it comes to Barnes, this is just a sneak peak on how Steve will be when he finally figures out who James is actually now. When he figures out Barnes is still the Winter Soldier first and foremost, the rest is just his obsession with Brock. What could Clint possibly say to Steve? How could he explain it to Steve, who is so far into denial that he thinks he and his childhood friend will get happy endings together. 

What can he say? What could anyone say to Steve? Words are so complicated. How to get Steve to open his eyes, to see? All the new scars that litter Rumlows body, heal and then reappear, like clockwork. To understand that no one is going to win this one.


End file.
